Every year, the Wheaton Wire goes away for a week. In its place, the untrustworthy but absolutely beloved Wheaton Liar takes its place to poke fun at anything and everything happening on […]
The Wheaton Liar: A Satire Special
Human Trafficking at Wheaton? (Satire)
Lock your windows and doors. Someone is going to come in and snatch you in the middle of the night… or not. Who caused the hysteria that was the 2021 human trafficking […]
Are the Wheaton Students Potty Trained?
Many children are ready to be potty trained as early as 18 to 22 months. For some students of Wheaton, that statistic is 18 to 22 years. What is it about the […]
The Clark Killer
Wheaton College- a heartwarming place where bright adolescents thrive, residing in Norton, Massachusetts, one of the safest towns in the country… or so we thought. A killer may lie within the ominous […]
New Wheaton College President Announced! – The Series Continues
The Wire is pleased to share that the search for Wheaton’s ninth president has reached a finalized decision! Are you ready for the big reveal?
Horoscopes for the Week of 4/13 – 4/20
Warning: This article is written for the LIAR issue, a satirical issue printed annually by the Wire. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Speak up or shut up. Taurus (April 20 – […]
New Wheaton College President Announced!
The Wire is pleased to share that the search for Wheaton’s ninth president has reached a finalized decision! Are you ready for the big reveal?
Top Ten Locker Combinations
Warning: This article is written for the LIAR issue, a satirical issue printed annually by the Wire. The best locker combinations ranked! A definitive analysis of what all of the best locker […]
Top Five Active MLB Shortstops
2. Francisco Lindor finally escaped Cleveland, leaving Jose Ramirez to fend for himself against the cheapest MLB owner. Lindor has long been one of the league’s most electric players and we hope […]
Unveiling New Anti-Mosquito Technology (A Satire Article)
*Writers note: The following article is a work of satire, please do not take any of it as truth. Any specific people mentioned in any of my articles were made aware of […]