I promise these will be nicer than last week’s. Aries • March 21 to April 19 Let out your frustration. But please, keep it about 50 decibels below the sound of […]
Count Your Lucky Stars (4/13)
Horoscopes – Issue 10
The Punxatawney Phil of horoscopes: baseless, random and only correct 39% of the time. Pisces • Feb. 19 to March 20 Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it will lead […]
The Zodiac Signs as ~Goldfish Flavors~
525If the horoscopes weren’t enough for you, here’s what goldfish type I think each zodiac sign would be and why. I will not hold back. (Written by a Gemini Sun, Capricorn Moon, […]
Count Your Lucky Stars 7
What’s your fate? Scorpio • Oct. 23 to Nov. 21 If you got through middle school, you can make it through the rest of this semester. College is just like middle school […]
Horoscopes for the Week of 4/25 – 5/1
Aries (March 21 – April 19) Don’t get stuck in other people’s drama, you have your own to worry about. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) It is your season, baby. This […]
Horoscopes for the Week of 4/18-4/24
Aries (March 21 – April 19) Believe in yourself, you can lean on whatever higher power you want. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) You’re allowed to want more for yourself, just […]
Horoscopes for the Week of 4/11-4/17
Aries (March 21 – April 19) You’re hot and you know it. Bring that energy to what matters to you. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Feelings aren’t easy, you’re allowed to […]
Horoscopes for the Week of 4/13 – 4/20
Warning: This article is written for the LIAR issue, a satirical issue printed annually by the Wire. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Speak up or shut up. Taurus (April 20 – […]
Horoscopes for the Week of 3/21 – 3/27
Aries (March 21 – April 19) Something big is coming, be prepared. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) You think your approach is always right because you’re always right, check yourself. Gemini […]
Horoscopes for the Week of 3/14 – 3/20
Aries (March 21 – April 19) It’s okay to ask someone for help. We all need some support to restore our purpose. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Figuring out what matters […]