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Issue #8 May 8th, 2024
Volume LVI
Horoscopes – Issue 10
The Punxatawney Phil of horoscopes: baseless, random and only correct 39% of the time. Pisces • Feb. 19 to March 20 Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it will lead you down a…
Can a Computer Be Conscious?
Brains exist to solve problems. They help us process information and find the best solution for these problems. Initially, this problem was survival, but brains have since enabled us to use our environment to our advantage in developing efficient ways to…
The Russian Ukrainian Conflict, Explained
As Russian forces mobilize on the Ukrainian border, many Westerners may see more similarities than differences between the two countries. Both are countries in Eastern Europe, use the Cyrillic alphabet and were parts of the USSR. Russia’s President, Vladimir Putin said…
Euphoria: The Rebirth of the Shared Television Experience?
Will Rue ever become sober? Will Maddie (insert Alexa Demie’s voice) ‘li-Ke literally’ kill Cassie? Is Sam Levison a creep? The HBO Max high school drama, “Euphoria,” seems to be all anyone is talking about. Recently renewed for a third season,…
Athlete Feature: Matthew Lambert
For some, running is viewed as a punishment, but to Matt Lambert ’24 it is part of who he is as a person. Since middle school, running has been part of his life and will continue to contribute in a positive…
Same Sport, Different Recognition
Whenever I turn on the television these days, most of the same themes ring throughout all the sports channels. Men get all the flash and media coverage, analysts talk about the NBA Finals but forget the WNBA even exists. Since the…
Briefs by Ben (02.23.2022)
Return of the PAC The Programming and Activities Council (PAC) have changed their name to the Wheaton Events Board (WEB) with a unanimous vote. PAC broke up last semester following allegations of bias incidents within the organization. Mansfield Politics Mansfield Architect…
Wheaton Virtually Hosts Seventh Annual Dr. MLK Jr. Legacy Celebration
On Feb. 3, 2022, at 5 p.m., Wheaton held its seventh annual Martin Luther King Celebration event. The event consisted of a showcase of children’s art, the presenting of both the Faculty and Student Martin Luther King Junior awards, a keynote…
The Zodiac Signs as ~Goldfish Flavors~
525If the horoscopes weren’t enough for you, here’s what goldfish type I think each zodiac sign would be and why. I will not hold back. (Written by a Gemini Sun, Capricorn Moon, Cancer rising). AriesFlavor blasted sour cream and onionThe flavor…
Ozark’s Mid-Season Finale Doesn’t Disappoint
Spoiler warning: This article contains major spoilers for Season 4 of Ozark. If you aren’t caught up yet on the show, please close your browser or put down your paper right now. Go do yourself a favor and go watch it!…
Human Trafficking at Wheaton? (Satire)
Lock your windows and doors. Someone is going to come in and snatch you in the middle of the night… or not. Who caused the hysteria that was the 2021 human trafficking incident at Wheaton, and why? These alleged predatory fliers…
Live Action Stop Motion: How Wes Anderson Transcends Medium
Stylistic directors have always been a staple of the film industry. The ability to tell a story in an accessible, yet thought provoking, way has been sought out by film studios and audiences all over the world. Some of the most…