*Warning* these articles are written for the LIAR issue, a satirical issue printed annually by the Wire.
WASHINGTON — In a surprise move on Monday, House Republicans have nominated Wheaton College mascot Roary the Lyon as their candidate for Speaker of the House. After the ouster of now former Speaker Kevin McCarthy and the subsequent failure of both Rep. Steve Scalise (R-LA) and Rep. Jim Jordan (R-OH) to garner enough support to […]
The Wire is pleased to share that the search for Wheaton’s ninth president has reached a finalized decision! Are you ready for the big reveal?
Warning: This article is written for the LIAR issue, a satirical issue printed annually by the Wire. Aries (March 21 – April 19) Speak up or shut up. Taurus (April 20 – May 20) It takes a while to figure it all out, but damn. Hurry up. Gemini (May 21 – June 20) You know […]
The Wire is pleased to share that the search for Wheaton’s ninth president has reached a finalized decision! Are you ready for the big reveal?
Warning: This article is written for the LIAR issue, a satirical issue printed annually by the Wire. The best locker combinations ranked! A definitive analysis of what all of the best locker combinations share. Please see the attached video as a primer to the advanced concepts discussed below. William Myung ’21 has an extensive locker […]
2. Francisco Lindor finally escaped Cleveland, leaving Jose Ramirez to fend for himself against the cheapest MLB owner. Lindor has long been one of the league’s most electric players and we hope to see that energy amplified when he plays for a team that actually cares for him. 3. Trevor Story is objectively the best […]
*Writers note: The following article is a work of satire, please do not take any of it as truth. Any specific people mentioned in any of my articles were made aware of their inclusion in it prior to publishing. Please direct any complaints with the content of the article to [email protected].* When news of a […]
*Writer’s note: The following article is a work of satire, please do not take any of it as truthful. Any specific people mentioned in any of my articles were made aware of their inclusion in it prior to publishing. Please direct any complaints about the content of the article to [email protected]. * This week, the […]
Last Thursday, Pope Francis questioned Donald J. Trump’s faith, suggesting that “A person who thinks only about building walls, wherever they may be, and not building bridges, is not Christian.” The Republican presidential candidate fired back by saying that Pope Francis’s comment is “disgraceful,” and his campaign released a statement questioning the Pope’s stance regarding […]