75 thoughts I had while stuck in Black Friday traffic


I live about 25 miles away from Wrentham Outlets. It should only take me about 45 minutes to get there; an hour if there’s traffic. On November 27, 2015 (Black Friday), it took me three hours.

After being on the road for two hours, I decided to take some notes on my phone (I was using my bff Siri to do most of them).

  1. The radio (93.3) just announced that there is no traffic and that there are no complaints about I-95. That is wonderful and fantastic for them but I have been stuck on the way to Wrentham for about an hour now. I don’t care about 95
  2. If people sold snacks on the side of the road they would be so successful today.
  3. A cop just passed me as I was making this note and didn’t even care
  4. People are getting out of their cars and are walking to the mall
  5. Are the sales even happening anymore or do people just want to be a part of something bigger than themselves?
  6. I bet I’ll be in there at 5 p.m.
  7. A tow truck just gave up and is just turning around.
  8. I kinda wish I had lights for the top of my car so I could do the same
  9. Goodbye friend; it was nice knowing you
  10. You know when you’re really hungry and then there’s a commercial for food and they’re just talking about something and you don’t even really like the food they’re talking about but you’re so hungry that you convince yourself you want what’s on the commercial?
  11. Do I really want to experience Dunkin’ Donuts new black pepper sandwich? Probably not, but right now would I eat it? Yes.
  12. Now there’s a commercial for holiday cookies. Why does Dunkin sell holiday cookies and why were there two Dunkin commercials back-to-back?
  13. Another person in front of me is turning around.
  14. Quitter.
  15. Adele should write a reprise to “Hello” called “Goodbye” just for these quitters.
  16. I know when that hotline bling
  17. I wonder if I start dancing in my car to Hotline Bling if other people will be amused by it or if they will just want to slap me
  18. Let’s try it
  19. I could have watched three episodes of How I Met Your Mother in the time that I have been sitting here stuck on this street
  20. Update: the guys in the car next to me have started dancing to Hotline Bling as well.
  21. My dancing is better.
  22. Another person just got out of his car.
  23. Where are you going?
  24. I don’t know where he went.
  25. Is he really leaving? I’m not sure why I can’t see him because the car in front of me is pretty small and mine is pretty tall (lol rhymes) but however I still cannot see him walking to the mall (lol another rhyme).
  26. The song Stitches just came on and I’m kind of embarrassed because I really like the song and I thought that the singer was probably really cute but turns out he’s about 17 years old which is the same age as my little brother
  27. I am now dancing to the song Stitches by myself in my car
  28. The guys in the car next to me are not as into Stitches as they were Hotline Bling.
  29. One of these trees reminds me of the grandmother tree from Pocahontas and I can’t help but sing can you paint with all the colors of blue moon
  30. I meant wind but apparently my singing of wind sounds like Bluemoon
  31. Now I’m singing blue moon
  32. Blue moon you got me standing alone
  33. You know when you’re listening to a song you don’t really love but you assume there’s nothing else better on the radio so you just keep it and then you change the station towards the end of the song because you’re like I just can’t listen to it anymore and then there’s a song that was playing that you really like that’s on another station and you could’ve been listening to that song for the last three minutes but you only to catch the last 10 seconds because you were settling for the other song?
  34. I’m not ready for Christmas music yet
  35. Stitches just came on again
  36. I was supposed to be at Wrentham at 3:00; it is now 4:29
  37. There is another woman walking to Wrentham
  38. She is wearing a fanny pack
  39. She is more prepared than me
  40. I wonder if she has snacks
  41. I am now speaking in a Miranda sings voice
  42. Too bad because I’m the only one in the car to enjoy it
  43. I made my Siri a British man and he sounds just as done as I am with this traffic right now
  44. Why is this truck cutting people?
  45. What makes you better than all of us that you can drive around us?
  46. Oh you’re taking a left. That’s fine.
  47. Number of people who have passed me walking: 21
  48. This woman is walking back to her car with no bags. Are they out of clothes?
  49. I’ve been 11 minutes away for an hour and a half
  50. My GPS is probably really confused as to why I’ve just been sitting in the road for over an hour.
  51. I really love Jason Derulo
  52. I am now .35 miles away
  53. Current state: dancing to Want to Want Me
  54. This song just gets me
  55. I dance with my hands when I’m driving and this guy thought I was waving to him and waved back but I’m not even mad because he’s cute
  56. Just caught the end of Drunk in Love
  57. Why is there no traffic cop?
  58. Hotline bling again
  59. I wonder when Hotline Bling will get old for me
  60. Probably never
  61. A man just tried to steal a traffic cone
  62. He’s going for it again
  63. He has literally stretched his body out of the back window to try and grab this cone.
  64. I’m here dancing to One Two Step and this man is stealing a traffic cone next to me
  65. It’s 4:57 and I’m .2 miles away
  66. White Ultima I’m only letting you go because you have a small child in your car and you’ve probably been listening to “are we there yet?” for two hours
  67. I wonder if I’ll even be able to find a parking spot
  68. It is now five o’clock on the dot and I thought I would be in by now. I was wrong.
  69. Do you remember how mad I was about Dunkin before? Sorry bae; Dunkin you’re still my #1
  70. This guy just thanked me for letting him go when he basically tried to hit the front of my car to be able to pass. You’re welcome for me stopping but I didn’t want you to kill me so of course I stopped
  71. I am 250 feet away and it is 5:03 PM
  72. I love Betty whop
  73. Fetty walk
  74. Fetty Wap.
  75. It is 5:11 and I have parked by the Gap

I ended up buying a few tops, a couple of sweaters and a Christmas gift for my mom. Was it worth the extensive wait in traffic? Probably not.

Walking around, shoppers looked more like zombies than people they were so exhausted. I caught a couple of kids skating around Banana Republic on hangers that had been thrown around the store. Stores that normally smell of elderly perfume now reeked of blood, sweat and tears.

I’m not sure what the traffic situation is in the middle of the night on Black Friday, but one thing’s for sure: I will not be going to Wrentham at 3 p.m. on the day after Thanksgiving ever again.