525If the horoscopes weren’t enough for you, here’s what goldfish type I think each zodiac sign would be and why. I will not hold back. (Written by a Gemini Sun, Capricorn Moon, Cancer rising).
| Aries | Flavor blasted sour cream and onion | The flavor blasted represents that Aries are a fire sign and, well, they can be a bit sour at times. In fairness, some people can’t get enough of sour cream and onion, so they definitely have their people. |
| Taurus | Original flavor | Taurus are well known for being dependable and set in their ways. I can’t just call them basic, so I’ll call them original instead. |
| Gemini | Extra cheddar and pretzel mix | Of course I couldn’t categorize Geminis as just one flavor, so I categorized them as the mixed bag that they are. On one hand, everyone loves cheddar, (but they are extra cheddar, which is already pushing their limits on lovability). On the other hand, they can be a bit twisted and salty, much like a pretzel. |
| Cancer | Baby goldfish | Cancers are baby goldfish because they are a lot like babies: highly emotional and very attached to their loved ones. |
| Leo | Flavor blasted pizza | Leos are flavor blasted because they go big or go home. They are flavor blasted pizza specifically, because on paper, pizza flavored goldfish should be the best, and they are pretty amazing, but are they the best flavor out there? |
| Virgo | Whole grain | Virgo’s are whole grain because they are practical and systematic. Also, they are well known for being earthy-crunchy, like the earth sign that they are. |
| Libra | Parmesan | Libras are parmesan flavored because they are generally liked and well known for avoiding conflict. People might not pick parmesan as their first choice, but no one dislikes it. |
| Scorpio | Pretzel | Scorpios are mysterious, twisted even, much like a pretzel. |
| Sagittarius | Cheddar | Sasittarius are one-of-a-kind and generally likable, much like the crowd favorite, cheddar goldfish. |
| Capricorn | Extra flavor blasted cheddar | Capricorns are ambitious and over-the-top when trying to reach their goals. They think they are like the crowd favorite, cheddar, but they are in fact, “extra”. |
| Aquarius | Rainbow | Aquarius are very creative and artistic, which is why they are colorful like rainbow goldfish. |
| Pisces | Whole grain rainbow | Pisces are creative and radiate happiness to those around them, which constitutes the rainbow portion of the whole grain rainbow. However, they can sometimes care too much about those around them, draining their internal energy, which is why the rainbow portion is just the color they radiate to others, a facade, covering the drained internal energy of their “whole grain interior.” |