Warning: This article is written for the LIAR issue, a satirical issue printed annually by the Wire.

The best locker combinations ranked! A definitive analysis of what all of the best locker combinations share. Please see the attached video as a primer to the advanced concepts discussed below.

William Myung ’21 has an extensive locker resume because he was once stuffed inside of his locker after it was broken into. Myung offers critical insight saying, “Make sure to pick a combination that’s super obvious so no one thinks to try it if they want to break into your locker.”

Dylan Peczka ’22 said, “My thoughts on locks is that they are extremely hard to use and can be quite confusing. Sometimes I feel like even when I put in the right numbers they still don’t open.”

Outstanding locker combinations are both easy to remember and effortless to use. Numbers close together, aid in quick access. It is important to remember the type of combination lock before creating the perfect combination. When considering a conventional Master Lock 1500D Combination Dial Padlock, ease of use is guaranteed if the first and second solutions in the combination set are close when rotating the dial clockwise and the second and third solutions are close when rotating the dial counterclockwise. 

Emma Flesher ’22 does not consider “ease of use” an important factor when ranking locker combinations saying, “13-36-32 is the best combo. Numbers that make sense together. Fives go together. Three and six and nine go together.” 

When asked about his locker combination ranking philosophy, Chett Vogt ’22 shared his manifesto saying, “The saddest part is that you forget the last combination as soon as you get a new one. The combo you spent a whole school year with, the one that protected your valuables, that was unique to you, is now only a faint memory if not completely forgotten. Who is to say that we are not all locker combinations? Who will remember us after we are all gone? Nobody. It’s not about making memories, but about living your best life. That’s why you can’t waste time worrying about what others think of you. Anyways 5-50-25 is the best combo.”