Wheaton Wire

Saturday, April 17th, 2021

  • Home
  • News
  • Opinion
  • Features
  • Arts and Culture
  • Sports
  • Astrology
  • Politics and Economics

Sections

  • From the Editor
  • Contribute to The Wire
  • Subscribe
  • Wheaton Wire Staff

Archives

Satire

Top Ten Locker Combinations

By Carter Wilhite on April 1, 2021

Warning: This article is written for the LIAR issue, a satirical issue printed annually by the Wire.

The best locker combinations ranked! A definitive analysis of what all of the best locker combinations share. Please see the attached video as a primer to the advanced concepts discussed below.

William Myung ’21 has an extensive locker resume because he was once stuffed inside of his locker after it was broken into. Myung offers critical insight saying, “Make sure to pick a combination that’s super obvious so no one thinks to try it if they want to break into your locker.”

“123456”

Ella Moenne-Loccoz ’23

Dylan Peczka ’22 said, “My thoughts on locks is that they are extremely hard to use and can be quite confusing. Sometimes I feel like even when I put in the right numbers they still don’t open.”

Outstanding locker combinations are both easy to remember and effortless to use. Numbers close together, aid in quick access. It is important to remember the type of combination lock before creating the perfect combination. When considering a conventional Master Lock 1500D Combination Dial Padlock, ease of use is guaranteed if the first and second solutions in the combination set are close when rotating the dial clockwise and the second and third solutions are close when rotating the dial counterclockwise. 

Emma Flesher ’22 does not consider “ease of use” an important factor when ranking locker combinations saying, “13-36-32 is the best combo. Numbers that make sense together. Fives go together. Three and six and nine go together.” 

“11-33-7 is the best one” 

Daniel Pedraza, a senior at the University of Illinois

When asked about his locker combination ranking philosophy, Chett Vogt ’22 shared his manifesto saying, “The saddest part is that you forget the last combination as soon as you get a new one. The combo you spent a whole school year with, the one that protected your valuables, that was unique to you, is now only a faint memory if not completely forgotten. Who is to say that we are not all locker combinations? Who will remember us after we are all gone? Nobody. It’s not about making memories, but about living your best life. That’s why you can’t waste time worrying about what others think of you. Anyways 5-50-25 is the best combo.”

Categories: Satire

Tagged as: LIAR, satire

Post navigation

The First-year Social Disconnect
Resolution from SGA in Response to the Podcast

Recent Stories

  • Horoscopes for the Week of 4/14-4/21
  • Wheaton Wire Wake Up
  • BREAKING NEWS: Norton voters elect Artz and Deveau to Select Board, reject charter change, and confirm tax hike to build new town facilities
  • NASA Wright Brothers’ Moment: Interview with Jaakko Karras
  • New Wheaton College President Announced! – The Series Continues
Tweets by @WheatonWire
  • Top categories: News/Arts and Culture/Features/Opinion/Sports/From the Editor/Astrology/Politics and Economics/Abroad Blog/Satire
  • Top tags: horoscope/ wheaton sports/ sports/ SGA/ abroad/ interview/ COVID-19/ fake astrology/ film/ wheaton
Proudly powered by WordPress | Theme: Broadsheet by Pro Theme Design.