“I only accept to be pulled around in a horse drawn carriage.”
“Oh my god, my dark circles look like I got punched in the face”
“This better than sex mascara is legit better than sex…ha just kidding.”
“I KNOW the burrito schedule!”
“I discovered this new thing. Post Malone. He’s really good.”
“Maybe we’ll find the Communists this time”
“Pretty sure that’s a health code violation.”
“This whole school’s a health code violation.”
“You ever seen Twin Peaks?”
“It just tastes like hurt.”
“I wish the bubbles in my Pepsi never went away. Damn science…”
“When was the last time I took a shower? It feels like it’s been at least a week.”
“My legs feel like a prickly pear cactus.”
“Can I just fast forward to break please.”
“I feel bad for the biker kids. They are missing out on all the Wheaton drama.”
“I wish I had the patience to proofread my own papers. Can you do it for me?”
“I’m so excited to go to bed. Such a mood”
“I wish I was that girl from Mean Girls who could predict the weather with her boobs.”
“Welcome to nerd land”
“I’m only signed up for two classes because I woke up late on registration day. RIP me.”
“There’s a spirit of Christmas – what’s the spirit of midterm week?”
“The Grim Reaper holding coffee.”
“I started skyping my parents and that’s when the room across the wall started having aggressively loud sex.”
“If I were an animal I would be a chocolate-vore.”
“I want a hamster more than I want to pass macro.”
“I nearly caused him to have a seizure.”
“Sigurd was a real punk ass bitch.”