Wheaton Wire

Wednesday, May 25th, 2022

  • Home
  • News
  • Opinion
  • Features
  • Arts and Culture
  • Sports
  • Astrology
  • Politics and Economics

Sections

  • From the Editor
  • Contribute to The Wire
  • Subscribe
  • Wheaton Wire Staff

Archives

Astrology

Star Stuff (Issue 3)

By Magdalene McCaffrey on October 3, 2019

Smell the autumn wind? Hear the leaves rustling? October is here and so is your horoscope.

Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

It is your time to shine baby! The ghosts howl your name on the equinox. 

Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

Lucky numbers: 9, 20, 52, 194

Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

You look good today – new hair?

Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

Don’t let anyone bring you down today, literally. 

Aquarius | Jan 20 to Feb. 18

Mercury is somehow still in retrograde. Grab some chocolate and push through.

Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20 

   Why? Why! Why…

Aries | March 21 to April 19 

Stop talking about Area 51. This is getting ridiculous.

Taurus | April 20 to May 20

  It’s your turn to pay for drinks. Stop pretending it’s not.

Gemini | May 21 to June 20

  Instagram is a sinkhole, stop looking for answers in your ex’s feed.

Cancer | June 21 to July 22

  I’m just spitballing here so take everything with a grain of salt.

Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

Mysteries are everywhere… embrace it or perish.

Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22  Sometimes a plan is more unhelpful than helpful.

Categories: Astrology

Tagged as: fake astrology

Post navigation

Marching at the Boston Climate Strike
Officers Use Pepper Spray at Protest

Recent Stories

  • The Wheaton Liar: A Satire Special
  • Count Your Lucky Stars (4/13)
  • Senate versus SGIB: Tensions spark largest Senate turnout
  • Primrose in Full Bloom at Basement Show
  • Road Back to Glory
Tweets by @WheatonWire

Search

Twitter Feed

Tweets by @WheatonWire
  • Top categories: News/Arts and Culture/Features/Opinion/Sports/From the Editor/Astrology/Politics and Economics/Abroad Blog/Satire
  • Top tags: horoscope/ wheaton sports/ sports/ wheaton/ SGA/ abroad/ film/ COVID-19/ interview/ fake astrology
Proudly powered by WordPress | Theme: Broadsheet by Pro Theme Design.