Let’s give it up to weather for its outstanding performance thus far this semester. Tens across the board, it’s raining sunlight in 30 degrees and I’m living for it.
Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21
Later this week, you will be visited by three ghosts: Mrs.Past will come to you in the form of that book you never read in First Year Seminar. Babe Present will appear in the form of Roary the Lion asking you why you haven’t donated to your class gift yet, and the Queen of the Future will visit you last, taking the terrifying personification of your future loan payment letters. Good luck.
Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21
Want some fun? Find a good hiding place in the library and see if you can have yourself a Night at the Museum adventure!
Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19
We all love those joke accounts on Tumblr, like Spaghetti or Mothman, but whoever runs the “Chasé on the Water” account needs to stop waxing poetic about tater-tots.
Aquarius | Jan 20 to Feb. 18
If you could be anything in the world, what would you be? The Universe will be accepting applications for transmutation for the next 30-days.
Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20
Honey, cut the BS out of your beautiful full life this month. It is a new year, a new birthday, a new beginning at this moment right here. Go get it.
Aries | March 21 to April 19
Let’s clap, appreciate and bow at the feet of Alicia Keys for playing two pianos at the Grammys, and being her gorgeous self, gracing us mortals.
Taurus | April 20 to May 20
Those little Wheaton “W” keyboard stickers have been stuck across campus in attempts to subliminally remind us that no matter where we go, Wheaton will follow.
Gemini | May 21 to June 20
If you search very hard in the Wheaton Woods, you can find an effigy to St. Valentine made out of Dollar Store cards.
Cancer | June 21 to July 22
This month, try befriending someone new and interesting. They exist. Expand your knowledge of the world by knowing the people in it and their stories.
Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22
Like Katy Perry said, “I wanna hear you roar.” Go on, do it. I dare ya’.
Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22
If you could be any fruit what would you be? Concentrate really hard… really hard… harder… OK, if you’ve concentrated hard enough you should become that fruit spontaneously. If you haven’t, you did it wrong and you are not worthy.
Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22
The moon loves you.