Aries; March 21 – April 19
Be free, live your best life! Whether that means eating uncooked ramen sandwiches or broccoli (which is equally gross)— we support you!
Taurus; April 20 – May 20
Dogs are great and sometimes they look like chicken nuggets! Be thankful for dogs, and take joy in their existence. They used to eat us!
Gemini; May 21 – June 21
Your mission is to make the next horoscope come true— find the nearest person born under Cancer and just look at them. Let them bare their soul to you, and then let them know they are beautiful.
Cancer; June 22 – July 22
Hey. You are not alone. Always remember that.
(They are always watching).
Leo; July 23 – Aug. 22
Winter is coming, and I do not mean the Game of Thrones kind (not till 2019…)! Remember to get sweaters, warm socks, a winter coat and stock up on charger cords in case there is a storm and you have to camp in the library!
Virgo; Aug. 23 – Sept. 22
You are one year older now and one step closer to the life you have always wanted! Remember to speak your future into existence— repeat after me: “I WILL HAVE A PET DRAGON, I WILL HAVE A PET DRAGON, I WILL—“
Libra; Sept. 23 – Oct. 22
PSA: Trojan Condoms has new commercials out that are A+ Sexual Health content— go view them!
Scorpio; Oct. 23 – Nov. 22
Remember that self-care is important! Take a bath in the pond, splash in the fountains! Or just lay down in the Dimple after a huge rainfall! Same thing, am I right?
Sagittarius; Nov. 23 – Dec. 22
A moment will come soon where you have to take a leap of faith, and we here in The Stars would like to remind you that you really can take that leap. The puddle is not that big, pal, you can really just step over it… do not be so dramatic!
Capricorn; Dec. 23 – Jan. 20
No matter what they tell you, never forget that it is your choice. To feed the squirrels or not to feed the squirrels. YOU have the power to choose. Whatever choice you make though, it is for life. I believe in you.
Aquarius; Jan. 21 – Feb. 18
No tea, no shade, no pink lemonade but honey… I am so jealous of how good you look right now. I mean it. You slay.
Pisces; Feb. 19 – March 20
REMEMBER: If you cannot love yourself, how are you ever gonna love somebody else?
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